I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
