Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
