people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
