Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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