I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
