Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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