They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
