:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my poor anus
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
