I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
