Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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