I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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