my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
