she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
