Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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