Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
