Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
