I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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