I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Still dying that you shit outside
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize