I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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