God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I believe in your delicious
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
