omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
