Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
