just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
