it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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