Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
