i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
