Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
