i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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