That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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