Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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