Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
