Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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