You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
