I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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