I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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