guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
