I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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