i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize