There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
