are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
