never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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