Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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