I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
