I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
