i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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