And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
