"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
