yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
