you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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