Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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