toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
