I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
