I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
