She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
