so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
