i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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