Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
