Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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