Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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