The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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