3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
