Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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