she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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