I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
