If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
