finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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