just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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