This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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