I want to make a zoo with you.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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