If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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