I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
